Afraid

I’m often times still afraid when everything is looking up, all is going well and I feel happy… when I feel free… I’m often times worried that some day he’ll think I’m no longer worth it or that I’m far too much to handle… I’m afraid he’ll leave eventually.

(This is fear is often diagnosed as related to father issues that I for one do not acknowledge.)

I’m often afraid that I’ve fallen too fast and will subsequently end up breaking my own damn heart.

Sometimes I don’t think this love is real. I pinch myself. This often feels too good to be true and truthfully I hate it.

When things are going “too good” I may try to sabotage it. I’d pick at things, pick arguments just to convince myself that this isn’t a fairytale. I do these things while so afraid that I’ll ruin this, ruin us, ruin our friendship and most of all – ruin myself.

This is all I’ve ever wanted and I’m so afraid to lose it. A pure love. Someone who loves and dotes on me and us… Requited love.

Pure requited love.

All I’ve ever wanted and could ask for. I have it finally. ♥️

I need to stop being so afraid and using this fear to sabotage my own happiness.

I thank God for my love everyday. I thank God for blessing me with an amazing man who encourages me, is there for me, confides and cares for me, tries for me and always has my back. Always telling me and showing me that I deserve the very best.

Everyday I fall more and more in love.

The latest major thing for me was when we went to this beach I’ve fantasized about going to for eonsss! Yes, it’s just the beach, (Well to me no because I LOVE the beach) but it showed me that even the simplest things that would make me happy he’d try to do. His effort and consistency is extremely attractive (and boy is it an aphrodisiac 😉🤤) and solidifies that he cares. (Yes I’m emotionally needy 🌚)

I’m working on my fears so it doesn’t end up overshadowing our future.

– Diandra C

Ps. Babes, thanks so much for loving me. I know you’re reading this. 💕😘

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